THE TOUCHABLES
COMMIT A FELONY

UNFORTUNATELY, THEY WERE

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PLAYING THE TOUCHABLES.

Final score:
The Touchables 189.61
Gibb It Till It Hurts 128.05

There are competitive losses, bad losses, and then there is checking your opponent’s lineup and realizing six different starters scored more than 20.

SIX OF THEM

Bijan Robinson: 36.80
Brock Purdy: 34.03
Drake London: 25.15
Garrett Wilson: 22.95
Trevor Lawrence: 21.28
Kenneth Walker: 21.05

Six starters over 20 points.

That isn’t one player wrecking a matchup.

That’s structural damage.

Bijan and London alone combined for 61.95 points, essentially matching The Touchables’ entire margin of victory by themselves. Then Purdy added another 34.03 from the Superflex spot and the rest of the lineup just kept piling on.

At some point, this stopped being a matchup and became paperwork.

EVEN THE MISSES DIDN’T MATTER

The Touchables were not perfect.

MarShawn Lloyd scored 3.05.
Sam LaPorta finished with 6.15.
Jameson Williams added only 7.40.

Those are normally the kinds of scores that give an opponent somewhere to attack.

Not this week.

When six other starters clear 20, three disappointing performances become background noise. The Touchables didn’t need every player to hit. They simply had too many players hitting at once.

That is how a lineup gets to 189.61.

WRONG PLACE, WRONG WEEK

The worst part for Gibb It Till It Hurts is that the losing lineup wasn’t even bad.

Jahmyr Gibbs exploded for 39.90.
Christian McCaffrey added 21.10.
Jaylen Warren produced 20.85.

A team getting nearly 40 from Gibbs and another 40-plus combined from McCaffrey and Warren should usually feel pretty good about the week.

Instead, Gibb lost by more than 60.

There isn’t much tactical analysis required there.

Sometimes you make the wrong lineup decision. Sometimes your roster underperforms. Sometimes you simply get run over by somebody having the best week in the league.

This was the third one.

THE SCORING LEADER

The explosion pushed The Touchables to 505.85 total points through three weeks, the highest total in House of Sickos.

Their combined record now sits at 5-1.

Only Fannin The Flames stands above them in the standings at 6-0.

That creates the first real tension at the top of the league.

Fannin owns the perfect record.

The Touchables own the scoring lead.

And after Week 3, the gap between “very good roster” and “roster capable of dropping 190 on somebody” no longer feels theoretical.

The Touchables just showed the whole league what their ceiling looks like.

It was ugly.

VERDICT: BTA